Navigating the journey of motherhood for the first time can be overwhelming. I asked mums on a Facebook group what advice they would give to first-time mums. Here’s a compilation of their advice, categorized into relevant topics for easy reference.
Disclaimer: This advice is based on personal experiences and is not professional guidance. Always seek advice from healthcare professionals for any medical concerns.
Newborn Physical Changes
Baby Girls’ Periods and Lactation
- ZJ: “Baby girls can have a period if the first couple weeks after being born.”
- MGU: “Baby girls can also lactate!!”
- LB: “My baby girl had it for ten days and my mom freaked out because she had three girls and it never occurred to any of us.”
Swelling After Birth
- SC: “The swelling after birth. Really wish someone had given me the heads up. Thankfully it does go after a week or 2.”
- MM: “Yes I was so scared to even touch.”
Infant Dyschezia
- AM: “Infant dyschezia!! Baby would strain and appear in discomfort when trying to have a bowel movement but poops were perfectly normal and never constipated. This is completely normal and initially I was never educated on this but it’s babies learning how to poop!”
- LK: “Same!”
- SW: “Never knew this! I have a 3 week old and is exactly same and been worried he’s constipated! So thank you for this comment.”
Feeding and Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding Challenges and Support
- AKG: “Breastfeeding is very hard & stressful so be proud of yourself for trying, or for succeeding.”
- OWT: “With breastfeeding, know how easy it is to get engorged!! Baby is almost 7 months breastfed and she is doing fantastic, but it can be very exhausting, but very rewarding if you stick with it!”
- SVG: “Some women don’t have any milk supply/low milk supply. I had assumed all women are able to breastfeed after giving birth!”
- NG: “There are lots of ways to increase your supply, some work and some don’t.”
- MJ: “Breastfeeding is so hard and painful at the beginning, you will be learning a whole new skill while you are just began healing, many issues can happen and it might be hard to pinpoint what it is, you need a strong support system and tools and so you can power through the pain at the beginning, you may also need professional help if it doesn’t go well.”
- JC: “That baby latching for breastfeeding can take effort, that no 2 feeds are the same; what worked for 1 feed may not (probably won’t) work for the next; there is going to be tears (yours & babies), bodily fluid is going to be worn.”
- ST: “I wish I had thoroughly researched feeding, everything about breastfeeding and pumping and bottles/bottle feeding and formula. All of it. You never know for sure which method will work for your baby ahead of time. If you do think you might try breastfeeding there is a lot at the very start that can help or hinder and make it more likely you’ll succeed or fail. I knew nothing and the hospital pushed formula so hard there was no breastfeeding support. I wish I had known all about it ahead of time to set me up for success. I also wish I knew about nipple flows, different types of bottles (Dr. Brown’s work best for us), proper sanitization, and how to prepare powdered formula (although liquid is safe initially and you can use powdered later).”
Baby Stomach Noises
- BM: “As baby is drinking milk, it could be the position the baby is in while feeding, try adjusting her/him so they aren’t getting any air or could just be the milk passing through to their stomach which is completely normal!”
Nose Suction and Saline Spray
- MH: “Get the nose sucky device before you need it. Amazon prime isn’t that fast when your baby has a snotty snout and cry nonstop for it.”
- AAG: “Yes and saline spray.”
Bottle Feeding Tips
- EC: “If you’re using bottles, be very aware of when to change the nipple size! My baby stopped growing because he was using too much energy to get the milk out. Once we went up in size it got better.”
Sleep and Wake Windows
Understanding Wake Windows
- AT: “Look into wake windows for their ages, I learned babies don’t always just put themselves to sleep and sometimes you have to help them to nap otherwise it bites you in the but lol (this might be obvious but wasn’t for me) once I learned this my babe started sleeping through the night!”
- SS: “This! Week 3 he just CRIED every morning till 1 pm till I figured out the wake windows and kinda forcing him to sleep.”
Active Sleep and Noises
- BA: “Active sleep!! I freaked out so many times at night when first bringing baby home as I was so confused by the amount of noise they make in their sleep!”
- AS: “Mine ‘neighs’ like a horse! I’m still not sure if that’s normal!”
- JG: “I’ve been calling my little girl a velociraptor because of her prehistoric sleep sounds.”
- ARH: “Newborns can be noisy when they sleep.”
- AAG: “How loud active sleep was!”
- MM: “So loud!”
- NRN: “Active sleep! No one told me they would be so wiggly while sleeping and that they aren’t actually awake!”
- MM: “I was so confused at first.”
- AM: “Active sleeping can sound like they are awake but they are indeed asleep!! My girl is a very active loud sleeper still at 5 weeks!”
Family Boundaries
Setting Boundaries with Family
- AKG: “Your inlaws aren’t entitled to see the baby an hour after you get home from hospital and ruin your serotonin. That it’s okay to say NO!”
- MM: “My mother in law showed up out of nowhere in the hospital. Didn’t tell me what time. Mind you, I had zero sleep. I didn’t want to entertain at all. I was so tired and still resent her for it.”
- SG: “This is YOUR baby. Others will give their thoughts and opinions but if it doesn’t look/feel right to you, doesn’t mean you have to do it. We soooo want to do this motherhood thing “right” but there is no one-size-fits-all in motherhood. Every situation is different and every baby is different. YOU ARE the best one to know what’s right for you (in that moment) and your baby and YES…. sometimes it’s just being in survival mode until you get through a certain phase.”
General Care Strategies
Diaper Rash Prevention
- MP: “Using a little diaper rash cream for the first few weeks even if there isn’t a rash! Babies will start to wet nappies more often which can cause diaper rash. Dealing with it right now with my 2 week old as a FTM and I’m stressed for her.”
- RAL: “Sudocream the best.”
- AKG: “We used white petroleum jelly (the one that’s safe for newborns anyway) didn’t even find out about using it right away (or diaper rash cream) till the nurse asked us the first night and highly recommended using either one for every diaper change the first month. It was a mini life saver for sure!! Glad she told us!”
- SS: “I gave the same at the same time and struggled almost 2 weeks. I started putting breastmilk on before the sudocreme and it was gone in 2 days. Give it a try!”
- SB: “Coconut oil is excellent to prevent and treat diaper rashes.”
Healing After Birth
- RV: “No one warned me about healing my own body after a vaginal birth and the healing process, the pain, the feeling, and the post partum.”
- AAG: “This, I didn’t expect my hooha being in pain for so long, I feel like it took forever to heal! And you also feel the stitches dissolving.”
- HY: “Omg going through this now.”
- SDE: “C section healing is so painful and a lot of crying came with it and it was hard to take care of my baby for the first week, it was all a blur.”
Hormones and Emotional Well-being
- KC: “You’re going to cry a lot about everything under the sun and that’s okay.”
- ARH: “You’re doing an amazing job, babies get upset and cry, just roll with it. You will find power in the things you find yourself doing. For example, pre baby: I thought I needed at least 6-7 hours of sleep. Sleep is nothing anymore. With an infant, I felt like a whole new person after getting 3 hours straight. Now at 12 weeks I get about 6 hours and I finally feel back to ‘normal.’ Your brain is going 24/7. Either anticipating something or planning for something. It’s just who you are now as a mom. Last but not least: hormones are ducking crazy.”
- SDE: “Hormones are crazy and some women won’t lose weight while breastfeeding! Baby blues was scary I thought I had PPD but I was just adjusting to a new normal and that is ok.”
- AA: “Baby blues. They hit you really hard. I was completely unaware about it which resulted in a very bad experience for me affecting me mentally along with physical pain of birth and postpartum.”
- NK: “Postpartum depression is true, always ask your husband and parents for support.”
- MM: “Never be afraid to ask for help yes.”
- SM: “Melancholy Letdown is a real thing….and you are not crazy!”
- MM: “Didn’t know there was term for it either!”
Buying Baby Clothes and Accessories
- ZK: “Don’t waste your money on fancy cute outfits. Best to keep the simple onesies and long sleeve onesies coz they grow so fast! And also have blowouts. So many cute outfits my baby never got to wear coz we didn’t bring her out and about for at least 3 months. Also don’t waste your money on cute changing pad covers. They just get stained. It’s so much easier to quickly wipe away a poop stain off the plastic pad and then you can sanitize it after.”
- MM: “Second hand / hand me down clothes are the best options for newborn clothes.”
General Tips and Apps
- MB:
- “Breastfeeding is painful and hard.. get help.”
- “You will cramp while breastfeeding.”
- “I wish I downloaded these apps earlier..”
- “Huckleberry- it predicts sleep and wake windows for your baby. Helps you keep track when you last feed them (& which side if your bf, especially in those early days because if you feed twice on the same side you are going to be in a world of pain with a rock hard boob!!)”
- “Wonder weeks- shows when baby is going through a “growth spurt” and will be extra fussy/ what part of their brain is developing & what activities to do with them.”
- “Make and freeze soups- you’re gonna want something warm and comforting.”
- “Get paper plates/bowls & utensils.”
- “Get a bidet- just do it (especially if you have “hemis” as my husband calls them).”
- “Get a milk catcher (I like the Elvie Catch, very slim & discrete. Hasn’t ever spilled or leaked).”
- “Buy chux pads for the first 3 months- they pee & poop so much during changes. It’ll save your bed/ couch and so much laundry time.”
Growth Spurts and Mental Leaps
- CM: “Growth spurt and Mental leap..”
- KN: “Yes! I feel like no one talks about growth spurts and mental leaps. Whole new world for me.”
- MM: “The wonder weeks app was so helpful with this.”
Shaken Baby Syndrome Awareness
- SB:
- “Coconut oil is excellent to prevent and treat diaper rashes.”
- “The most important part about caring for a baby is how to manage our emotions when a baby screams and cries for ages. Sometimes we may lose our cool but it’s crucial to never act out on baby so as to prevent shaken baby syndrome which can be fatal or cause baby to have lifelong debilitating health issues. Please inform all carers of the baby to please never become angry and shake or harm a baby. If you or anyone is feeling overwhelmed by baby’s incessant crying, put baby down in a safe place and walk out of the room to calm down. Once you have calmed down, only then go in and try to comfort baby. It was very hard for me as a FTM because I never knew how to respond to baby whenever I felt overwhelmed and had no support system. A baby’s crying will not harm them but how we react in our frustration is what can be super harmful while being sleep deprived and all so I hope more can be done to spread this awareness of how to prevent shaken baby syndrome to protect all the precious babies out there.”
- GB: “Why would anyone shake their baby is it not a known fact to never shake a baby.”
- MM: “Postpartum rage. It’s not done on purpose. Some mums just snap.”
- AKG: “It’s getting to be a known fact but the post says what you wish you knew as a first time mom. Some of us that’s us within the last few years, others could be 20+ years ago when the awareness for shaken baby syndrome wasn’t as common.”
Things to Keep on Hand
- MM: “Things to keep on hand: Mylicon, Infant Tylenol, Nail clippers, Nose sucker/Saline Spray, Thermometer, Booger picker. If you are breastfeeding baby will need to have Vitamin D drops everyday.”
- AG: “Nail filer are best so you don’t cut their fingers or skin.”
- DYL: “I only use the nail clipper and haven’t had any problems yet but a lot of my friends use a nail filer.”
- NO: “But what can I use for baby acne?”
- DYL: “I used Tubby Todds all over ointment (fragrance free).”
Hallucinations and Sleep Deprivation
- AM: “The hallucinations! I literally thought I saw my husband sitting down on the floor breaking open the diaper genie pail with his teeth. I also would always see my daughter sleeping with me under the sheets which terrified hubby but she was actually asleep in the bassinet safe and sound. It’s actually quite scary and terrifying for others as well.”
- AKG: “Yes! Every time I did fall asleep for longer than an hour I’d wake up in a panic thinking someone was trying to carry my baby outside the house (we lived at my parents at the time and felt safe but still) and it looked like it for the first 20-40 seconds of opening my eyes. Meanwhile babe was asleep in her bassinet a foot away.”
- DC: “I have panic dreams that seem so real! I thought I dropped our baby once and she was screaming when I got up she was sound to sleep and safe in her bed. My baby’s cries wake me up even when she isn’t crying. So far I was so sleep deprived that I kept getting glimpses of snakes crawling up my legs..I guess it does a number on your mind after some time.”
Embracing Chaos and Parenting Books
- MF: “Embrace the chaos’s. For a while nothing will make sense and you will wonder what you got yourself into. Thats normal. In time, you and your baby will find your rhythm. Also read/listen to parenting books. Babies, toddlers, children’s brains and how they develop is intricate and needs to be handled with love. Parenting requires a lot of patience and learning. Make it easier on yourself by educating yourself. ‘The Whole Brain Child’ is one of my favorites.”
Flat Head Prevention
- AC: “Hold yourself below when you sneeze or cough. Rotate your baby in the cot to prevent flat head.”
- HM: “Any tips for a baby that won’t stay rotated?”
- AC: “Go heads one night and tails the next. (Baby same direction as your head then same direction as your feet) Baby has a tendency to face parents. I popped a wedge under the side of the mattress to help keep him propped.”
Postpartum Rest and Recovery
- PR: “You don’t get a break after delivering the baby. Enjoy the silence and sleep as much as you can because once baby is out, your whole routine will be revolving around theirs. I love my baby so much.”
Using Exercise Balls
- RT: “Bounce. The mesic ball you used while you were pregnant is magic for getting burps out and for getting babies to sleep. Also, you can’t have enough receiving blankets.”
Colicky Babies
- KB: “That you CAN get a colicky baby for your first child. I was delusional and thought my newborn would sleep ALL day and never cry boy was I WRONG.”
Body Care for Parents
- TDC: “Be careful about how you pick up and hold your baby, in terms of taking care of your body. All those repetitive movements can do a number on your tendons, joints, and muscles. I developed tendinitis in my wrist from holding my baby and picking him up.”
Newborn Stage
- EHG: “That the newborn stage is NOT your new normal. It’s a phase that will pass!!”
- AT: “THIS!!!”
- MM: “There’s so many different phases me and my baby went through it’s crazy! I keep reminding myself this too!”
This categorized advice should help first-time mums navigate some of the common challenges and experiences they may face.
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