Emotion regulation is a critical skill for psychological wellbeing and healthy functioning across the lifespan. Research has consistently shown that the ability to effectively regulate emotions is foundational for mental health, while difficulties with emotion regulation are associated with various psychological disorders[1]. For children, learning to regulate emotions is a developmental process that relies heavily on caregiver support through co-regulation.
Co-Regulation and Attachment
Co-regulation refers to the process by which caregivers provide external support to help children navigate emotional experiences[1]. This involves caregivers attuning to the child’s emotional state, validating their feelings, and offering comfort and guidance to help modulate arousal. Through repeated experiences of co-regulation, children gradually internalize these skills and develop the capacity for self-regulation[1].
Importantly, co-regulation is closely tied to attachment. When caregivers consistently respond to children’s emotional needs with sensitivity and support, it fosters secure attachment[1]. This secure base allows children to feel safe exploring their emotions, knowing they have a reliable source of comfort to return to. Conversely, inconsistent or neglectful caregiver responses can lead to insecure attachment patterns and difficulties with emotion regulation[1].
The Impact of Childhood Experiences
For individuals who did not receive adequate co-regulation and secure attachment in childhood, the effects can persist into adulthood. Research has found that adults with histories of childhood trauma or neglect often struggle with emotion dysregulation and insecure attachment styles[2]. This can manifest as difficulties tolerating distress, tendency to avoid emotions, or becoming overwhelmed by emotional experiences.
However, neuroscience research has demonstrated the brain’s lifelong capacity for change through neuroplasticity[3]. This suggests that even adults can develop improved emotion regulation skills and more secure attachment patterns through reparative experiences.
Therapeutic Approaches for Healing
Several evidence-based therapeutic approaches have been developed to address attachment trauma and emotion regulation difficulties in adults. Two notable models are Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST).
Internal Family Systems therapy conceptualizes the mind as containing multiple sub-personalities or “parts”[4]. Through IFS, individuals learn to access their core “Self” to heal wounded child parts that carry emotional burdens from the past. This process allows for “re-parenting” these parts with compassion and nurturing that may have been lacking in childhood[4].
A pilot study on IFS for complex trauma found significant reductions in PTSD symptoms, depression, and dissociation following treatment[2]. Participants also showed improvements in self-compassion and interoceptive awareness[2].
Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment similarly works with different aspects of self to process trauma and develop improved self-regulation[5]. TIST incorporates attachment theory, neuroscience, and parts-based approaches to help individuals heal from complex trauma and neglect[5].
Self-Regulation Through Self-Compassion
A key component in both IFS and TIST is cultivating self-compassion as a means of self-regulation. Research has found that self-compassion is strongly associated with psychological wellbeing and resilience[6]. For trauma survivors, self-compassion can serve as an internal secure base, allowing for safer exploration of difficult emotions[6].
Neuroimaging studies have shown that self-compassion activates care-giving systems in the brain similar to receiving compassion from others[7]. This suggests that through self-compassion, individuals may be able to provide themselves with the co-regulation and emotional support that was lacking in childhood.
Conclusion
While early experiences shape attachment and emotion regulation capacities, research demonstrates that healing and growth are possible at any age. Through therapeutic approaches like IFS and TIST, as well as cultivating self-compassion, adults can develop improved emotion regulation skills and more secure attachment patterns. This process of “re-parenting” allows individuals to offer themselves the attuned, validating presence that supports healthy emotional processing.
As our understanding of neurobiology and trauma healing continues to evolve, it is clear that it’s never too late to develop healthier relationships with our emotions and ourselves. With practice and support, we can learn to stay present with difficult feelings and offer ourselves the compassionate presence that facilitates true healing and growth.
Citations:
[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8801237/
[2] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2021.2013375
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7473266/
[4] https://www.choosingtherapy.com/parts-work/
[5] https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/27/reparenting-to-heal-the-wounded-inner-child/
[6] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9180546/
[7] https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline
[8] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13642537.2021.2000465
